Fallen Angel :(

We broke up!!! I don’t know what else I could have done differently. She was very jealous about the people that I talked to. Everytime someone would call, she would always ask “Who’s calling you?” and whenever I would go over she would always ask to use my phone and would go and check my text messages or incoming calls. We both have a myspace page and I have gotten to know a lot of wonderful people through there. I got to know my friend Shanna who has come to be my baby Sister….her daughter and her mom even call me uncle Ray Ray but my girlfriend Becca, from what I could tell had a problem with her. I have never given her any reason not to trust me. I have always been respectful when I talk to other girls. My myspace if you have looked at it, yes the majority of them are girls but if you see it, it’s not like I have half naked women on my background and vulgar comments from them. I have always been the spiritual person and always send nothing but encouragement to all of them. You can ask anyone of them but I guess being the respectful type isn’t enough. Every Sunday I send a Bible verse to them. Some of them even call my guardian angel but I have changed it recently. I don’t even know how I can be called a guardian angel when nothing goes right for me. Friday night when we broke up, I went home and just started thinking of what happened and I went to the store and got again what would just help me to forget for the moment….bad choice. I drank so much that I don’t even know when I fell asleep. I awoke on the living room floor in the middle of the night and I got up and just layed on the couch the rest of the night. The next morning I had to mow yards but there was no way that was going to happen. It’s hard for me. The next day Shanna called me to check on me because she knew about it….she invited me to come spend the day over there and I did. I came back home around 5pm because Becca wanted to talk at a graduation party she was at. We talked and it was official. We were over. The party was at a park and it was already over and she was the only one there just waiting for me to get there. She left and I just stayed there at the park for hours just ballin. I texted Shanna and told her that it didn’t go as expected and that I was afraid to go home because I still have all the liquor in the fridge. She told me to come and stay over there with her and her parents. Now she lives about an hour away and I told her that I did not want to be a burden on her and her parents. She told me to shut up and just come over. I stayed the night over there and Mother’s Day her family got together to celebrate and I was asked to stay. I did but I was out of it. I was there but not my normal self. I left there around 6pm and went and saw my mom. She was working all day and got off of work late. Being home alone is where I get in trouble and yes I’m praying but it is not working. What could I have done differently? Should I just drop friendships? I am a fallen angel at this point. My faith is at it’s all time low and I don’t know what to do. My heart is hurting. I try and do good, be kind to people, be respectful to everyone and this is the outcome. I drew this Sunday night and it is how I feel right now. I am a fallen angel....I shouldn't even be called an angel. I'm sorry everyone. My friend Val on her who's member name is g1ng3r has help me alot by talking to me. She lives on the other side of the world and we have become the best of friends. It's so cool how you can become friends with people you would have never even got to know without technology. I do appreciate your help.